Sunday, April 18, 2010

A Needy Relationship

You sit across from me in an intimate setting. Face to face, we’ve attained a symbiotic relationship. I need you and you would be nothing without me. Within your vast mind you hold so much of my life…so much that while you were gone, I began to wonder if I’d given you too much power.

During this last month, I’ve gone to the mattress for you repeatedly. I searched every inch of you to find what was bothering you. You know too much about me, you hold my dreams and my secrets. I’ve cried out in anger, frustration, and sorrow to you. And yes, you know what makes me supremely happy and what causes my laughter to filter out into the world. Imagine my shock when I learned that you’d allowed a stranger to come into our private world.

No matter what I tried I could not pry the interloper from you, so I had to take drastic measures to get our relationship back where it belongs. I sent you away.

Oh how I missed you. I missed your humming and blinking lights. I missed all the friends you brought to me. I missed the words and photographs that I’d become so enamored with over the months and years. I pondered missed opportunities and easy-access information. I missed MS Word! What? I have to use a pen and notebook to write articles? Who will check my spelling? Who will remind me to watch my comma usage? I have to count words myself? Word always did all those things for me!

While you were gone, I continued photographing but became frustrated realizing that I had no photo program to upload them to. The instant gratification of viewing my photographs through you had spoiled me. Then while walking one morning, my iPod stopped playing my favorite tunes. Who was going to rejuvenate the battery and hook me up with music?

Despair took over and I turned to an old love…Sex and the City. While you were gone I made my way through Seasons One, Two, Three, Five, Six and the movie. I admit to wiping drool from my face each time I got a glimpse of Carrie’s laptop, but I lost myself in the fun, fashion, and seductive scenes. In between Carrie’s flirtations and frustrations with Mr. Big, I’d check on you.

“We’ll have it done in a day or so,” said the voice from the other end.

“Please call me when you’re finished.” I’d reply sounding more than a bit pathetic.

Then I waited. To make a long story short, I called every other day, brought you home only to have to take you back when I could see that you were hanging on to the intruder even after spending days away.

Lack of communication led to a longer stay. The anger grew and the frustration mounted after phoning and receiving little reassurance that all would be well. It took several harried phone calls in one day to finally get you back. I must say, you look fine indeed. We’re back to sharing again, except now I must figure out how to take back some of my life because this dependent relationship needs a bit more readjustment.


Marion Williams-Bennett said...

Welcome back! It's so nice to have you back!

I love this post, and love how you describe the time apart! Sometimes I am thinking that I spend too much time looking down, down into the screens, the keys. To be forced away from that for a while might not be such a bad thing - gives you a new perspective. Thanks for sharing that!

Teresa O said...

Hello Marion! Thank you for visiting. Nearly a month without a computer has made me realize that it has become too much in my life, but I also realize as a society we rely on computers, probably more than we should. It's a hard habit to break, that's for sure.

Aurora said...

Oh my goodness yes!!!! I am in a codependent relationship with my computer too - and it is so unhealthy!
I've tried to tear myself away numerous times, and keep coming back for my 'fix'.
It's been detrimental to my making relationships in the REAL day-to-day worold, even as I prate about the value of my cyber-friends.
I'd be better off without it, and yet, I fear the power of the withdrawl symtoms, the ease of information access, the comfort of shallow interactions instead of the involvement needed for a phone conversation.
I'm owned by my computer.
You don't need kidnapping anymore - just take someone's laptop for ransom!

Anonymous said...

I love the way you describe your love affair with a machine! I said something similar in my facebook post!
I love you Mom!

Teresa O said... how I understand every word of your comment. Now I just have to figure out how to balance my life and get over the jitters of cyber withdrawl.

Hey Anon...Love you too!

Kiki said...

Awesome!! Great read!
I always enjoy having a spot of tea and reading your thoughts and stories.....super lovely!
Have a gorgeous day!

She Writes said...

And here I just knew it was a man at the beginning ;)!

Teresa O said...

Kiki...thank you for stopping by. You always make me smile.

Amy...I think I spend more time in this crazy relationship than I have with a man friend or lover in quite some time. lol

Christina said...

now this, i can relate to. i thought it was a man! ... ah but it became so much deeper than that! lol